August 2007 – Page 4

Control of the Remote

How to keep control of the remote control: a users guide to not watching anything sports related.

I have a roommate who is obsessed with watching men play with their balls. Big balls or little balls.It doesn’t seem to matter. If no game is on he will watch a sports radio program. Radio about sports. On TV.The only thing worse then a sports game is men talking about a sports game on the radio and seeing it broadcast on TV.

If no game is on he will watch the stats of any given game of the past week. He will watch sports talk shows,sports documentaries. Sports movies. As long as there are men,balls and uniforms involved.

As a girl growing up I was forced to watch sports. I was outnumbered. I did enjoy Pro-Wrestling, lard slamming, as we affectionately termed it.
But that was because it was so camp.
Here is a picture of the famous Andre the Giant.Probably the most famous wrestler. I mean, I even know who he is.

There is nothing camp about professional sports games.They are long and repetitive. Someone throws/hits/catches/kicks a ball. Snore.

So in order to never have to watch another sports program when I want to watch something on TV I have some Plans.

Plan A: never leave the sofa and hold remote in hand. If have to leave sofa take remote with me.

Plan B: once in awhile I may have to leave the sofa. I may have to leave the house. There is no viable plan for this as even I can’t(yet) sink low enough to take the remote with me out of the house. Plan B: unresolved.

Plan C: hide the remote. Magically find the remote upon returning to the house/sofa.

Plan D:have a hard heart. I am a pussy. My roommate will approach me and ask me how long I will be watching whatever it is I am watching that is preventing him from watching the men and their balls. I will say 6 hours.

Plan E:block ESPN with my access to parental controls. I am the only one on the bill.I can actually do this. I have to do Plan D first however.
Plan F: get roommate a girlfriend.Then maybe he will go to her house and watch sports on her TV.

Hacked? Hmmm,where have I been hacked?

I got an email from kabir-x_@hotmail.com telling me my web page has been hacked. I looked at my “web page” and it looks fine. I looked at all the sites I made and they look fine, too. Perhaps this was the hacking? Making me look at all my sites to see if they’d been hacked? I’ve seen hacked sites.Usually the little gnome(s) put up a hacked by evil_little_trolls(or the hacker’s Web handle :D) sign…all my sites have their original home pages intact and ready for business. Whatever.

Good News Bad News

The good news is that Adam is back from his 5 straight nights in the city.Whew.He made decent money but I am definitely not a fan of jobs like that. The bad news is that I almost got arrested.

I am in a much better mood.We had another fight on Saturday about my not being up bright and early to walk the dog by the time A came home around 10:30 am. Am I such a low-life because I don’t think sleeping late on a Saturday morning is so bad? I mean: I walked the dog late, late the night before so that he wouldn’t be dying for a pee by 11am.

So A was very disapproving and grumpy. I got up, dressed and took the dog – planning on staying out for hours and I didn’t expect A to be still home when I got back. But he called me and apologized. That turned everything around back to good.

While I was still steaming about being accused of being a dog abusing low life I went into Duane Reade with Bozzio.If you haven’t been reading for long:Bozzio is a 65 pound Pitbull Boxer mix.He is the kind of friendly smiley dog most people who see him treat like he is going to bite off their faces, legs, arms or feet if they allow him to get too close.

I used to be grumpy about this but now I just enjoy the extra room I get on the sidewalk when folks see us coming. I mean, really. People are so dumb sometimes. And they all go on and on about not being racist towards people but when it comes to dogs it’s OK to make the exact same kind of blanket stereotype judgements about a breed of dog!

In the drugstore I got my saline solution and was hunting for razors when a manager in his tie and name badge announced to me that I couldn’t have a dog in the store.I looked right at him and said “Yes I can!” he blinked in shock and I headed toward the register.

I really needed my saline solution and I was determined to buy it before the police came. If they came.I assumed he had called them because I saw him go up to the glass doors and look out anxiously.

Many, many times I have seen people bring their dogs into Duane Reade drugstores. I used to tie Bozzio outside because people were so biased against his breed. But when I kept seeing other large breed dog-owners blithely traipsing in and out of the stores I said HEY, Me Too.

Fact: if you allow dogs into your stores you have to allow all dogs into your stores, because last time I checked it is not illegal in the state of NY to own a Pitbull.

So no fair allowing “good dogs” into Duane Reade and freaking if you see Bozzio (who is so harmless it’s not even funny anymore ). Bozzio loves Everybody.
I made my getaway, passing 2 rather unimpressed looking policemen just as I was half a block away from the store.

Maybe I am just flattering myself that they were coming for me but that store manager did look cheesed enough to call 911.
It’s funny though, this incident made me see red but when A. called to apologize I told him about it and saw how funny it was. That store manager’s face when I said Yes, I can!

I’ve succumbed to a TV show

I do not like to watch regular TV.Commercials.I don’t have the thing that records shows,either. So I just don’t watch them. But you all just keep going on and on about Grey’s Anatomy. So I rented 2 DVD’s( a far better way to watch a TV show if you can stand to wait which is easy to do if you don’t give a crap). I thought I was renting one season.Turns out I grabbed the first 5 episodes of the first season and the last 6 episodes of the 2cnd season. What an idiot!

I watched non stop from @9pm until 6am. And let me tell you: Blockbuster better have the episodes I skipped when I scurry there tomorrow like a freaking junkie.