How to keep control of the remote control: a users guide to not watching anything sports related.
I have a roommate who is obsessed with watching men play with their balls. Big balls or little balls.It doesn’t seem to matter. If no game is on he will watch a sports radio program. Radio about sports. On TV.The only thing worse then a sports game is men talking about a sports game on the radio and seeing it broadcast on TV.
If no game is on he will watch the stats of any given game of the past week. He will watch sports talk shows,sports documentaries. Sports movies. As long as there are men,balls and uniforms involved.
As a girl growing up I was forced to watch sports. I was outnumbered. I did enjoy Pro-Wrestling, lard slamming, as we affectionately termed it.
But that was because it was so camp.
Here is a picture of the famous Andre the Giant.Probably the most famous wrestler. I mean, I even know who he is.
There is nothing camp about professional sports games.They are long and repetitive. Someone throws/hits/catches/kicks a ball. Snore.
So in order to never have to watch another sports program when I want to watch something on TV I have some Plans.
Plan A: never leave the sofa and hold remote in hand. If have to leave sofa take remote with me.
Plan B: once in awhile I may have to leave the sofa. I may have to leave the house. There is no viable plan for this as even I can’t(yet) sink low enough to take the remote with me out of the house. Plan B: unresolved.
Plan C: hide the remote. Magically find the remote upon returning to the house/sofa.
Plan D:have a hard heart. I am a pussy. My roommate will approach me and ask me how long I will be watching whatever it is I am watching that is preventing him from watching the men and their balls. I will say 6 hours.
Plan E:block ESPN with my access to parental controls. I am the only one on the bill.I can actually do this. I have to do Plan D first however.
Plan F: get roommate a girlfriend.Then maybe he will go to her house and watch sports on her TV.