A. did decide to come home–at nearly 4 am.
I wasn’t pissed.
We did talk during the day, very briefly.Our phone calls never last more than 7 minutes anyway so that wasn’t unusual.Not a sign that he loathes me now or anything.
I knew he was planning to stay in the studio in Dumbo all night and I had gone into the city to see my dad after all.
After seeing dad, I went to the supermarket on La Guardia Place and found a whole bunch of stuff A. likes a lot.He’s from Israel.I got him pickles and these tiny little yellow croutons which aren’t the big toasty chunks you and I are used to but very small,uniform pill like things.I got 2 containers.Now he has to make soup.
I came home and made some dinner which was good at midnight but not so great at 345 am.But oh well, he ate anyway and then asked me what that was about last night .
I tried to explain but it is so hard to discuss why you were mad when you aren’t any more and I could tell he was still pretty pissed about it.And so I didn’t really get very far with explaining myself before I sensed he was just going to be livid no matter what I said in my defense. I did slip in that he and O. wrecked the last bit of the movie I was watching by jamming too loud.He said it was the 1st time he and O. had ever played at the house(and see how well it went!)
I wanted to say that in the future it isn’t such a great idea but of course I am a pussy and I didn’t say it.
He hasn’t yet tied together how his brother-(our 3rd roommate)- plays his bass pretty much all the time he’s home-with my blow out last night… or that the water torture-esque riffing that comes from the brother/roommate’s room constantly drives the other non musician roommates (me and D.) nuts. Which is why for me it wasn’t the 1st time I’d been really annoyed by musical onslaught. I do not inconvenience my roommates or my boyfriend with my past times.Considering that 2 of my major ones are keeping this barn from actually looking and smelling like a barn(you try that-living with 3 undomesticated dudes) and finding nice things to eat for our dinners.
And lately I have been tied to the computer but I was working really hard to bring my dad’s website into 2006 standards and I had to learn as I went and it took a long long time.
Yes, before that I was studying CSS like an obsessed weasel,staying up ’til the morning(can I help it if I like to work when everyone else is sleeping?) and so wasn’t going to bed until A. was getting up…I know this is bad.Bad for our sex life and just bad for normalcy which strangely enough is important to A.
Eh,normal? What is that?
I lived alone for almost 9 years and got used to doing what I liked.I have really changed my lifestyle for A. but I can’t seem to adapt to his body clock’s pattern.I have my nightowl one and have had it all my life and I am not sure that I can change it. I told him I would if it meant he was going to leave me because of it .
But he said he didn’t want me to change.I guess he would like me to be the way he thinks I should be. But he needs to get in line!
We’re In a Fight
My boyfriend A. and I are in a fight and once again it is movie related.
Last night our routine was totally busted.Instead of one of us making dinner,A. told me his pal O. was coming over and bringing pizza.He did not say that they were going to jam,too. I’d rented a couple more movies and I really wanted to watch them as soon as possible. I have been to the BB about 3 times this past week because going without a DVD player since we were robbed last summer made BB an exciting place with tons of missed movies to choose from. You should try not going to BB for over 6 months.It makes movie renting a lot more fulfilling.
So I already had been waiting to watch Black Dahlia for about 4 days.I was waiting to see it because the last time I thought I could just watch a movie(The Descent) A. had gotten really angry at me for not waiting for him.This made me think that I should probably not make the same mistake with the Black Dahlia.
But as it turns out A. didn’t have much interest in watching it-with or without me.He also didn’t really want to watch The Devil Wears Prada,either.And it was when this last movie was almost an hour in that he announced O. was coming over with pizza.
You try and watch a movie while your bf decides to start telling you about his day.You might wonder as I did why he needed to get all chatty right at that moment whereas he’d been pretty quiet before the movie was put on.
??
And then you try to watch a movie when your bf and his pal decide to start playing an electric guitar and bass both amp’d to about 5 or 6 level… so it was pretty loud…in a room about 3 feet from the livingroom…where the movie was playing….a room without any soundproofing…2 dudes on guitars…going at it while I am trying to hear wtf Meryl Streep is saying to Anne Hathaway in the fucking limo in Paris!!!!
Argh!!!
So I went to the door and watched A. play.When he noticed me he stopped and I said(I forgot to tell you this) so, in 10 minutes you’re going to the studio,right?
O K I forgot this part: A. told me O. was coming over and at 10 pm they were going to the studio.
So after The Devil Wears Prada was over(I’d had to turn the volume up super high to hear the last half hour) I decided to wait until A. and O. had gone to the studio before I tried watching the Black Dahlia.
When I was at the door watching A. play and he stopped and saw me and I asked him if he was going in 10 minutes –he said no.
??
I got really mad.
He’d already wrecked the last half hour of The Devil Wears Prada. I decided to wreck his jam session by playing The Black Dahlia at max volume. But before I made this rash split second descision,I announced something like “so then I’ll play this really fucking loud see how you like it” or something like that.
Sure enough about 6 minutes later O. came out and put on his jacket and left and A. stormed out and put on his jacket,leashed up the dog and went out for almost an hour.
When he came back he made himself some coffee( without asking me if I wanted any of course because he was too furious with me) and then went into the bedroom to drink it and not talk to me.He went to sleep without kissing me goodnight and today when I heard him about to leave for work I got out of bed and stood in our bedroom listening to him in the other room and I guess he heard me get up.He was going to just leave but since he heard me get up he came back to the bedroom and kissed me, said he was going to work– and left.
Then to make things even better I saw that the internet and digital tv were disconnected because they weren’t paid.So I had to pay that and it took almost an hour for the service to be restored.
I’m going to go to the city tonight to meet up with my dad and because of this stuuuu-pid fight we are in I want to call it off so that I can try to get A. to like me again when he comes home from work, if he comes home at all but now I can’t because my dad is going to give me a check for all the work I’ve done on his website.And since I just paid 140.00 bucks to get service restored I need the money a lot more now.
I am the one in charge of the cable bill.This means that I pay it and then chase everyone around for a week trying to get them to pay me back.
So now because I need to get that extra money our fight is probably going to be unresolved for another day. I could just call A. and apologize.I should, since I was the bitchy one last night. But the truth is that I apologised for the other fight we had over The Descent and that wasn’t only my fault, it was A.’s as well.Except he just let me take all the blame for it.And the truth is also that he has been acting weird all week. So I’m weirded out. But I’ll probably call him.Like right now. Yikes.
Look
Today on her show, Oprah is going to have Kirstie Alley come out and parade about in a bikini.It’s a repeat and I’m glad they are repeating it because I missed it the first time.
What a world.Kirstie who is no longer “young” and young in my mind means anything before 50, is going to reveal her personal triumph,her penultimate acheivement in life,by wearing a bikini.I wouldn’t wear a bikini past the age of 8 which is the last time in my life that I was skinny enough to do so.
Being 50 and female in America doesn’t seem to give one an automatic ticket to relax on the whole being sexy thing. It isn’t enough to be smart and successful you’ve also got to prove you are still sexually viable.
I know-K.A.’s “look I’m in a bikini and I used to have to wear tent dresses” isn’t really about proving she’s still sexy, it’s about proving she isn’t fat anymore.
She did ok by being fat.She had Veronica’s Closet for a few season’s even though the show was situationally ridiculous.But she was “fat” the entire time.She then began her Jenny Craig commercials and I guess that was how Fat Actress came to be.Or was it the other way around? I think I did read something about how she said she was proud of getting that show despite weighing more than 3 Hollywood starlets…
I recently watched The Biggest Loser-I’m not sure if it was the season finale- but I remember one of the women competing– during her personal video montage– picked up a pair of size 12 jeans and said “it’s my dream to fit into these jeans”.
I wear a size 12.And I was confused as to why she didn’t pick up a pair of size 2 jeans and declare her dream to fit into them.Size 12 is only small if you are a size 24.But she and I both would be considered massive by any media standards.
I try not to think about the fact that a lot of clothing companies have rigged their clothing sizes so that a size 4 is really a size 8 and so forth. I thought this was a paranoid fantasy of my anorexic pal but it turns out she was right.
I know I would rather not go up any higher than a size 12 myself. But I did have to for Hilfiger cargo pants! It was my firm belief that cargo pants shouldn’t be skin tight so I bought a few sizes up in order to have looser pants.This in rigging terms probably means that in Hilfiger I wear a tent ish 18 to 20!
This was when (and I guess it’s still going on) everyone else was winching themselves into skintight ultra lowrise jeans–the kind that gave even thin girls the “muffin top” look where your hip flesh bulged over the waist- band…and you topped it all of with a shirt that revealed all this bulging glory by not quite covering your stomach.
I can’t tell you how many plump backsides and tiny thongs trying to remain intact while struggling to contain the abundance they were encircling I saw on the bus merely by glancing anywhere but into my own lap. I couldn’t make up my mind if these women were fools or just very comfortable with the way they looked.
Personally, I don’t like to show much that much skin. Perhaps these women are “big losers” themselves and are proud of the way they look now? And so they are showing it all off,not on Oprah’s stage but on the B61 bus.
I’m a victim of branding.
So are you,probably.
Don’t feel bad-we can’t help it.And people who can help it come off as know it alls who we secretly hate because they make us feel stupid for not being as aware as they are.
Branding is what the big companies call it when we little consumer ants recognize and therefore want or do buy a product simply because somehow it’s gotten in our heads that this is a good product for whatever reason.This may sound vague to you and it is vague.Can you state clearly and simply the subconscious reasons you bought that sweater? Probably not.
If you realize that you must have something–that your life just might be better if you have that something-then you play into the hands of consumer branding. It isn’t for nothing that Advertising has long studied the psychology of the consumer.Believe me-they have the drop on us.And as Americans we are subject to constant branding assaults merely by being alive and somewhat aware in this society.
I say somewhat because of the insidious nature of this assault.We as consumers are required to be only somewhat aware, being too aware threatens the house of cards.
No doubt you took a course in college related to this subject.If that was some time ago,your edge has probably dulled by now.
Mine certainly has. I try to look at television with a sceptic’s gaze but one can’t be 100 percent vigilant against all of It.
It has a way of getting in.
For a rather innocuous example: my recent spending spree in Sephora. A long time ago I realised that most make up was like shampoo and therefore it didn’t need to cost a lot to do it’s job which was to make you look cute.So I stopped exclusively buying my makeup in department stores and instead bought from drugstores. I went from Clinique to L’Oreal and never lacked for dates.
I was able to live my life happily despite the fact that I owned no expensive warpaint even when all around me women I knew were showing off their latest 20 dollar mascaras.
I succumbed when Sephora opened it’s doors.
Of course it isn’t their fault that I love makeup! They just want me to be able find and buy it more easily.Aren’t they nice? But there is still the fact that drugstore makeup that I used for years is still just as good as the fancy stuff in Sephora.
I mean, didn’t I just buy an 18 dollar concealer by Benefit even though my Max factor one at a quarter of the price works just fine? If not better because the 18 dollar one makes my skin look drier? Yikes. I’ve been had,right? All because I wanted to be a little fancier.You get what you pay for? Not always.Sometimes you pay too much for something that doesn’t work as well as it’s cheaper cousin simply because it’s branding is sexier.
Here’s another burn: I bought a 75 dollar perfume because it was by Fresh despite the fact that there was a 25 dollar one that I smelled,loved and passed on simply because it wasn’t by Fresh! So what happened? All I can say is I was surrounded. They beat me down. I’d never heard of the 25 dollar one before.It’s that simple.