Killing an Orchid

3 weeks agonew_spikeI love orchids but always thought I had a black thumb so I never had the nerve to buy one, afraid I’d just kill it. As it turned out my alleged black thumb was just me neglecting to water my plants enough.
Since absorbing and putting into practice the important fact that a lot of indoor plants need to be watered more than 3 times a year I have been able to keep alive quite a few varieties of plants and felt perhaps the curse of the black thumb had been lifted. Continue reading Killing an Orchid

I met a girl from Myspace

My friend Katie, who I met on Myspace because she joined a group I created called Champagne Lovers, is in town for the long weekend.

Some people I know feel it is absolutely commonplace to arrange to meet someone you met virtually. Some others are very suspicious of anyone online. Anyone with an online life has probably either dated someone they met or slept with them or got conned by them or even murdered or kidnapped.
A friend of mine joked: have fun meeting the old fat man pretending to be a normal girl from CA. If I was a 14 year old girl that could really happen. But I am in my 30’s and far out of the age range targeted by sexual predators while still being smack into the demographic for being conned (did you see that Oprah show on this very subject?). However if Katie had intended anything untoward I am certain I would’ve picked up on it right away!

I’ve got a healthy level of paranoia but I never once suspected Katie was anyone other than Katie.
I’m also just very bad at veering out of the comfortable rut I’ve made for myself and that making plans and going out disrupts. But Katie was worth making the effort. After all, she flew out here. The very least I could do was show up.

I walked into the bar to meet Katie and her friend Judy and we proceeded to get ripped. We ordered 3 bottles of wine and 2 plates of skimpy snacks, neither of which did nearly enough to soak up all the alcohol.3 women without male bodyguards will sooner or later have male attention. We tried to (is there ever a nice way to put this?) get rid of him but we failed. As pickled as we were we forgot that the bar had held onto one of our credit cards and in our haste to leave the bar we all forgot to pay and get the card back.
Luckily I remembered when we were only a half a block away! Can you imagine? I would never knowingly stiff a bar and especially not a bar that is so nice and whose bartenders are so cute and competent. Our only excuse is we were sozzled.
When that little disaster was taken care of I suggested we walk to my house so they could meet the dog and my boyfriend.

We drank still more wine at my place and it is incredible that I didn’t die. How am I alive after first not even eating and consuming vast amounts of alcohol? Sometimes my Irish kicks in and saves my ass.

I know everyone loves it when I discuss my lady parts.

Once again the hormones did what ever they wanted to do and caused a ruckus. Most of the month I am your average semi functioning passive aggressive. But 2 or 3 hours before the (euphemism) I become just plain aggressive. Even hostile. Lending weight to that old saw that a woman can’t become president because she’ll get her period and nuke some innocent country. Like thats so much worse than destroying a nation so we can have more cheap oil. And how well that has worked with gas costing over 3 bucks a gallon. Oh right, that’s because a hurricane destroyed some oil rigs. And it’s definitely not because Haliburton is going to make money hand over fist whatever way the cookie crumbles.

Mens, thank your stars Hilary is menopausal.
I am joking in case you didn’t know.
So my little hegemony was rattled because no one bought toilet paper for one whole day.
One.Whole.Day.
I am 36 years old. I have not had to live like a college student with milk crates for furniture and paper towels,napkins or tissue paper for toilet paper since I was 21. Part of being a grown up is buying the T.P. before it runs out.
If you can’t manage to do that- then as the person to use the last sheet of toilet paper you are responsible for going out and buying some more. If you fail at this small task either because you plain don’t give a crap or you just don’t notice or you are too much of a sensitive artist to be bothered with such petty details, then you are an asshole.
I live with 3 guys (not what you think) all of them are rather challenged when it comes to domestic affairs. I’ve long since given up on hoping they will clean. But I will fight them to the death on the toilet paper buying and replacing issue.
Normally I grumble under my breath and stomp about. That’s my passive aggressive mode and where I live for 3 weeks each month. But today I bitched about it until my boyfriend threw dishes.
I admit that shut me up.
Speaking of passive aggressiveness there is a site called passiveaggressivenotes.com. I am going to submit my note that I taped to the bathroom door.

Massive TV finally picked up

They came and got it today. Of course I wasn’t home when the woman from the charity called to say they were on their way. At first I was all bitchy and huffy because she’d already made me stay home all day on Tuesday waiting around for her and she never showed. To her credit she did call me at 10:30 pm to explain,but still, annoying.

Luckily the sportsfan was home and even helped them get it’s huge bulk down the stairs. I told her and told her she would need at least 2 strong dudes to help her. She brought one dude and herself.

But now some under-privileged kids have a mini theater sized TV to entertain them and I no longer have a TV the size of a closet hogging my back room!

Everyone wins.
ashley really needs a tv
Except this one girl who was so desperate to get the set that she actually emailed me a photo of herself in either a bra and underwear or a swimsuit…

Makes me wonder if I was a dude what influence that may have had on me…if I’d be all like screw those kids the hottie gets the TV.